Sexual Power Plays

executive summary
A beginner's guide to S&M (sadomasochism), B&D (bondage and discipline), dominant/submissive relationships, and all aspects of sexual power play.

hot facts
Basic information about:
  • Sadomasochism
  • Bondage and Discipline
  • Dominance and Submissiveness

  • How To Play With Power

    How To Play with Power

    Power play, S/M, sado-masochism, B&D, bondage and discipline, dominant/submissive – there are many names and variations of behavior associated with this variety of sexual play.

    But there are also differences between these terms. Sado-masochism (or S/M) is actually a sexual orientation some people ascribe to in which partners explore sensations including pain while testing the power dynamics of their relationship.

    Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person.

    Masochism is pleasure derived from physical or psychological pain inflicted on oneself either by oneself or by others. The words are derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French writer of sadistic novels.

    S/M may entail a variety of behaviors, including bondage and discipline (B&D). All play within S/M is considered a power exchange or power play (a more general term used by some). This means that play should be consensual, safe and sane.

    While those unfamiliar with power play assume that the "top" aka dominant calls all of the shots, the reality is quite the opposite. The "bottom" or submissive actually controls the level of play by using understood code words that limit the actions of the dominant.

    It is thought that up to 7% of the population consider sado-masochism as part of their sexual identities, however up to 50% of the population routinely incorporates milder (vanilla) type power play behavior into their sexual repertoire on a regular basis – be it forceful sex, tying one another up, biting, scratching etc.

    No type of power play is considered abnormal as long those involved in the action do so willingly and it doesn’t interfere with other aspects of their life.


    It's not just about inflicting pain either. Power playing can be much more subtle. Some play with their long-term partners, others experiment outside of a long-term relationship, while still others embrace it as a full time lifestyle.

    Some dabble in a behavior or two while others prefer to act out entire "scenes". You can really make it whatever you want. While playing with sensation is apart of the process -- and pain and pleasure are inherently intertwined neurologically, there are a multitude of levels to explore with the right person.

    Power playing has become more mainstream in our culture in the last decade (notice all of the themes in movies and the media) but it has existed since the beginning of time. Because of this there are now many toys, books, and DVDs devoted to the subject. A little power playing can be just what the doctor ordered for a stagnating sexual relationship because it can shift the dynamic and create a healthy sense of sexual drama. If you're looking for where to begin, start with a few good books on the subject.


    Working yourself or partner up to your sensate threshold is an important part of safe S/M play. The faux fur on one side of this paddle is for gentle sensations that allow you to get your partner in gear and ready.