Ask the Sexpert

How to Talk Dirty

Dear Ann,

I'm interested in learning how to talk dirty to my partner, but it feels so unnatural. Can you give an example of how to do it, or recommend a book to help?

 Dear Reader,

As with any other sport, the best way to become good at dirty talk is to practice, practice, practice. Luckily, there's less risk of injury than with, say, rugby.

First, think about what you would like to say. You could tell your partner a sexy story ("You're a garage mechanic, I'm the sexy lady with no panties who's coming to get her car fixed"), you could describe how you want him or her to touch you ("I want you to take my nipples between your fingers, and pinch them."), or how you're feeling at the moment ("When you blah, blah, that makes me so turned on.").

Also, think about what kind of words you'll feel comfortable saying. You might prefer saying 'pussy' more than 'yoni,' or vice versa. You could have a romance novel inspired vocabulary full of phrases like "your turgid manhood churning my delicate lotus blossom," or something a bit more X-rated.

Then practice. Talk dirty to yourself in the shower, call your answering machine and leave yourself dirty messages (but please, people, think about who you share a phone line with). Try writing out a sexy scenario and reading it aloud.

With your partner, start gradually: you might want to start off with "Oh, that feels good," or "I like it when you whatever," so that you can gauge your partner's response, and become more comfortable with things yourself.

The Fine Art of Talking Dirty is a good book for those interested in more dirty-talking tips -- and you'll get a whole vocabulary of x-rated words to choose from.
 

~Ann Whidden