Ask the Sexpert

Penis Size: What is normal?

Dear Dr. Klein,
My boyfriend worries that his penis isn't big enough. I think it's just fine, but his anxiety gets in the way of our lovemaking. Just how big is a normal penis?

Dear Reader,
Big enough to find in the dark, and small enough to fit through the bedroom doorway.

But really: The answer to the question, "Is my penis big enough?" is never "Yes." The correct answer is, "It doesn't matter."

You don't want to answer yes -- even though it's true -- because that puts you in charge of your partner's adequacy. Instead you want him to share your vision of sexuality with an emphasis on touch, closeness, kissing, laughing, and genital play, as opposed to genital effort. None of these requires a penis of any particular size, much less a Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

Your partner's anxiety level during sex is much more important than his genitalia. I would say that to your guy in just those words. The biggest penis on earth can't make up for the loneliness you feel if he's paying more attention to his fear than he is to you. And the smallest penis on earth can provide incredible satisfaction -- if it's attached to a lover who's relaxed, present, generous, and ready for fun.

It may be hard for your boyfriend to talk about sex, particularly in this intimate, adult way. Remind him that it's important for you to invest your time with someone who can do the most important sexual activity -- open, honest conversation.

~Dr. Marty Klein