Ask the Sexpert

Self conscious about smell with oral sex

Dear Dr. Klein,

My boyfriend loves going down on me, all the time. I'm uncomfortable about my smell and taste around my period. When does the scent get "normal" again?

Dear Reader,

This is a very common question. Unfortunately, it's the wrong approach to the issue.
The question isn't when you get "normal" again, because your guy isn't concerned about that. He's concerned with how you actually smell and taste, and he's already voted on this -- not with his feet, but with his mouth. You say he loves going down on you -- so what else is there to know?

Your discomfort is understandable, given all the nasty lies we all learn about our bodies and sexuality. But actual sex takes place with actual bodies, and so it's wet, messy, and a little unpredictable. If we can't celebrate this, we should at least learn to accept it.

Your period is one of many ways in which a body can be wet, messy, or unpredictable. Your vulva offers a changing kaleidoscope of various smells and tastes during your monthly cycle, and even that changes according to your diet, emotional life, and general health. If you're fortunate, your guy finds these changes acceptable or even delightful.

Your kitchen probably offers enjoyable aromas ranging from mild to strong -- fruit, pumpernickel, curry, garlic. And so it is with your vulva -- there's no "right" way for it to smell or taste. Mild isn't "better" than strong -- it's up to the person doing the smelling or tasting. Many men will say they prefer some natural smell or taste to none at all.

Besides, sooner or later, we all wet the bed, or fart during orgasm, or have a pimple on our butt that feels the size of a grapefruit. And everyone's mouth smells powerful the morning after a night of heavy kissing. While such realities may be missing from romance novels and women's magazines, grownups know that enjoying sex sometimes requires handling such things matter-of-factly.

Your guy doesn't tolerate your taste and smell -- he enjoys them. He isn't prevaricating, and you have a lot to learn from the way he accepts your body. Don't be a woman who can't take yes for an answer.

Perhaps you're uncomfortable about oral sex in general; maybe you don't want it at all. That's OK, but it is a different conversation -- one I encourage you to have with your guy partner ASAP.

~ Dr. Marty Klein